week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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