Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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