i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
