Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
