This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
