god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
