plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
foreskin is a definite game changer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
