He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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