You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize