We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
