Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He better not be in your backpack
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
