I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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