So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
