Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize