You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
