oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
