I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at my own cervix.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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