I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
