just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
