i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
