This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
