I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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