You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
