you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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