I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
