I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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