i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
