we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
