why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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