coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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