I'm going to jail i love you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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