i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
