you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
