That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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