Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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