her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
