If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
