would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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