you guys were way drunker than both of me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
bring money and cleavage
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
