All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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