i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
