im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
