Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
