He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
