Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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