xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
