please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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