I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
