This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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