look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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