careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
