I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
