Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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