D3 body, D1 cock
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
