Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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