Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
