I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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