When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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