When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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