why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
