then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize