Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
