Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you would pick up someone in the library
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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