I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
