There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
