I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im six kinds of drunk right now
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize