Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
