WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize